PURE SHORES

It amazes me how I have neglected to ad lib about something so dear to my heart for so long. It wasn't until prompted by an incredibly stylish friend that I stopped, smacked my forehead and said to myself "Jesus Christ what have you been playing at." I am of course harping on about the MTV sensation Jersey Shore, featuring nympho-guido's and the best hair this side of Coney Island circa 1983. In my head, the cast are split into three camps, firstly, those I want to be: Snooki and JWOWW, secondly, those I kind of fancy but don't know why, i.e. all the guys, and thirdly: Sammi the not so sweetheart, more dick. She can be in a camp all on her own and see who'll fight over her then. 

I used to go out in Weston-Super-Mare at the age of 15 and let me tell you there is little difference between there and the infamous hot-spot Karma. Yes, I wore pink high heeled Timbs, swigged voddy outside Tesco's and worked my way through a pack of Mayfair Menthols all wearing frosted lipgloss, but I never managed to be invited back to a menag-a-something in a rooftop hot-tub. Shame. With those days regretfully behind me, all I have to cling on to, in hopes of someday fist pumping myself into a frenzy once more, is a never dying love of pickles and a jaunty hair "poof", both guilty pleasures which can be incorporated into everyday life almost seamlessly. However, be careful not to indulge in too many gherkin style treats and keep the coke with your rum decidedly diet, or flaunting your best nipple grazing, naval swinging loin cloth of a top a la JWOWW could prove to be more flab than fab. If I were you I'd be heading to the local retail park to G.T.L. ready for summer quicker than you can say "I'm a Mama's Boy". See you on the boardwalk.

P.S. I didn't include Angelina in my categorization of cast members as she chose not to include herself in the show. I would say sorry for being petty and say she has nice short shorts or something but I won't and I am. What a waster.